In his book, The function of the orgasm according to Wilhem Reich, Joël Bernat, psychoanalyst, and author, takes up the conclusions of Freud’s pupils and analyzes them. In particular, he notes the factors that, according to Reich, prevent orgasmic fullness. We have sorted and identified the 10 main causes of a blocked orgasm, what Joël Bernat calls the “emotional plague”.
- The absence of tenderness, respect, and listening to the other: we do not say enough about how much exchange and communication are sexual dopants. We will much more want someone with whom we have rich and fluid conversations than someone with whom we have trouble communicating or little to share. The feeling of well-being with someone is one of the factors that promote orgasm. So, be nice and kind, that’s the basis!
- Education, traumatic, complex sexual experiences, anxieties, or violent fantasies: all moral judgments and/or psychological disorders will hinder your access to orgasm. If you think body hair is dirty and sex stinks, you’ll have a hard time climaxing. Ditto, if you have a lack of sex education, fears, or if you have had a traumatic sexual experience. All of this corrupts your relationship with sexuality. You must understand these blockages and untie them before you can climb to seventh heaven.
- A lack of self-esteem or the other: the feelings or resentments that you have towards yourself and towards others have a huge influence on your enjoyment. If, for example, you are depressed, not proud of yourself, or very tired, you may have difficulty reaching orgasm. The same if the other inspires you with rejection or if you are angry with him.
- A search for performance: any pressure of this type will inevitably block orgasm. You have to make love to make love and not to get to point B (or G)! It is the path of pleasure that must be taken to reach orgasm, not the other way around.
- Too much control, spectator effect: this is the logical continuation of the previous advice. To enjoy, you have to be able to surrender. The will must therefore not be involved in love, it is letting go, on the contrary, which is in order. This is what William Masters and Virginia Johnson, the American sexologists who conducted the first studies on orgasm, call the phenomenon of the “spectator”: we remain in control and we judge the situation. Orgasm inhibitor par excellence. But, if you are good with the other, that you feel respected and pampered, you will be able to indulge in pleasure more easily. So be sure to factor #1!
- No or too much Preli: we know that the total absence of preparatory acts during a sexual relationship risks preventing orgasm because these allow the mind to get “in the bath” and the pleasure to rise. But the reverse is also true: in the event of interminable preliminaries, the resources in excitation are exhausted, and that blocks the enjoyment, disperses it. It is therefore necessary to find, as always, a fair balance!
- Rough, rushed, and/or out-of-harmony movements with those of the partner: nothing worse than mechanical love! Sensuality goes through suave, soft, deep caresses and in symbiosis with those of your partner. So, avoid too abrupt gestures and the self-centered side: these are physical movements of course, but they cause a mental resonance in your partner.
- A partial excitement and not the eroticization of the whole person: we have often talked about it in this blog: you should not focus on a single erogenous zone, because multiple solicitations greatly favor orgasm. Psychologically speaking, this offers a cocktail of pleasure hormones, very good for morale and… enjoyment!
- A restrained, thwarted orgasm: of course, if you stop in the middle of coitus or in the middle of an orgasm, the frustration will be enormous, this is what Reich (and Freud) calls a “stasis”, a small remainder.
- A feeling of final bitterness: it is the backlash effect of the little-death that provokes a state of sadness, a kind of coitus blues. According to Reich, this phenomenon is cultural: Omne animal post coitum triste est.
The fact of accumulating these small frustrations can generate various types of compensatory behaviors such as hypersexuality, nymphomania, exhibitionist and sadomasochistic problems, or even resistances provoking what Reich calls a “character armor”. To avoid this, you will have understood it, it is necessary to enjoy certainly, but to enjoy well! And, according to Reich, always, the secret to reaching this sexual plenitude is above all to have a relation of exchange between alter egos. In short: playing as equals, with someone good.
Good for you and beautiful relations…