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And Yet, Women Are The First To Get Bored Of Sex In A Long-Term Relationship

And Yet, Women Are The First To Get Bored Of Sex In A Long-Term Relationship

Across from the psychiatrist’s office sits a married couple, let’s say, Jenny and John. They have been together for 15 years, have two minor children, and have sex once a month. They are here because one of them would like to do it more often: he. It’s not that she doesn’t want to have more sex, she just doesn’t want to do it with her husband anymore (something she’s rather unlikely to share in that session). What Jenny wants is to want someone with momentum, fun, with enthusiasm, like when everything was new. Jenny is no exception, but the rule. Contrary to popular belief, women are the first to get bored with sex in a long-term relationship.

A study published in the British Medical Journal Open showed that after a year of cohabitation they are twice as likely as men to lose love interest. In fact, the longer the relationship lasts, the more their appetite for sex is negatively affected, according to another study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. ” What I have seen in my patients for years is confirmed,” said François Reno, a sex therapist, and psychotherapist in Montreal, commenting scientifically on the studies. «Women often lose interest faster than men, many times in a short period. The mistake that couples make is to think that regular contact is a sign of satisfaction as if quantity guarantees quality. Many times when they tell me about their meetings, I tell them: “I have the impression that you are masturbating”. And they answer me: “Exactly. “We reach orgasm, but there is no sexual communication .”

Many times when they tell me about their meetings, I tell them: “I have the impression that you are masturbating each other”. And they answer me: “Exactly. We reach orgasm, but there is no sexual communication “»

The lies they told us

We have learned for centuries that women are less sexual than men, that they are not interested in love, and that they often suffer from coldness. Now, then, history must be rewritten. Women are not indifferent to sex in general and by nature. But they can be indifferent to the specific sex of a long-term cohabitation. Dr. Anthropologist Wendy Martin breaks her mantle on this because ” nowadays we have scientific methods to measure sexuality and prove that what we thought until today is wrong,” as she writes in her book ” Untrue “. ” Let’s start with two big ones lies. First, men have a stronger libido than women and are more erotic. Error! Today there are mountains of data that show that when we measure correctly both sexes have the same sexuality. Secondly, that monogamy is easier for us because we tend to devotion to our genes. “When I was writing my dissertation, I studied women from all walks of life and all cultures and found that all the evidence shows that monogamy is more severe for women and that they get bored of having sex earlier than their partners .”

“When I was writing my dissertation, I studied women from all walks of life and all cultures and found that all the evidence shows that monogamy is more severe for women and that they get bored of having sex earlier than their partners.”

Marriage measurably lowers women’s libido. This means that they need innovation and adventure as much as men, maybe more. We know many couples who get married, the years go by, she starts to get hurt and finally concludes that she has no sexual desire, she is indifferent, cold, and that she has a problem anyway. ” Although society has educated our mothers, grandmothers, and ourselves to believe that the female sex is to blame for the ice in sexual desire, our body is designed differently, with a key to fascinating sexuality. We have the only organ of human anatomy that is exclusively dedicated to pleasure: the clitoris. Our sex has the biological standards to seek pleasure, to have multiple orgasms, and to enjoy without stopping. It is the only mission of the clitoris since it does not serve any other function, not even reproductive like the male molecule “.

What does all this mean for our sex life in practice? ” Social science data is coming to light to change people’s lives and set them free. Encourage them to look honestly inside. Women who think they are made for monogamy should realize that they are probably self-destructive. They will end up in psychotherapy or with psychotropic drugs. We know that in an exclusive relationship a woman’s desire decreases after one to four years. The man after nine. It is more difficult for them to make love to the same person over and over again, but they do not admit it. They begin to fear that they have a psychological problem that prevents them from wanting their husband. I want to show the numbers to this friend and tell her that nothing special is happening to her, that it is completely normal, and that she does not need to doubt herself. If the couple asks for help from a specialist, I want there to be doctors who will tell them: “You are completely normal, the desire decreases, the ladies get bored faster, it does not mean that you are not a fantastic husband, that you do not have a good marriage or a good relationship, all that happens is how women are. They need innovation, variety, adventure “. And then explain to them what they can do. ”

“If the couple asks for help from a specialist, I want there to be doctors who will tell them: ‘You are completely normal, the desire decreases, the ladies get bored faster, it does not mean that you are not a fantastic husband, that you do not have a good marriage or a good relationship”

After monogamy, what?

So if the woman is what is wanted, the mistress wants to rekindle her interest in the couple’s bed, then her partner must also mobilize. Dr. Martin believes that the lover of long-term cohabitation can, instead of being offended by his partner’s concerns, claim it. ” Men who really care about what women want can make a difference. They have to ask them to find out. Even if they have to discuss it over and over again and they keep answering “No, no, I do not want anything, I’m fine”, after many questions they will open up and talk about fantasies. We know scientifically that their repertoire is richer than that of men. ” They may be shocked, but they will feel satisfied and excited when they realize how exciting erotic the lovers can be who overcome the inhibitions and accept themselves .”

The search for innovation and excitement, however, can take them out of the comfort zone of their home and arm them with the courage needed for any adventure to experience it. A flirtation from work, an old friend on social media, or the next passenger on the plane can be the reason for starting a story. Thus the erotic desire will awaken in them again, but at the same time, they will find themselves in front of a social system that does not forgive the committed ones when they get out. A married man can have “chicks” and be proud of them, but his wife can not trust even her best friend. «The way we treat women who deny monogamy reflects how much equality prevails in our society. Why allow men only to be unfaithful and give them relief just because they are male? For spouses who do the same, those around them have the complaint ready. “Maybe because with their attitude they challenge the core of the sexist system that sets specific roles for each sex .”

“Why allow men exclusively to be unfaithful and give them relief just because they are male? For the wives who do the same, the people around have the complaint ready “.

Women traditionally roll their eyes and let their partners move into a gray area of ​​monogamy to give them the illusion of freedom, the illusion that they are unfaithful but without serious consequences. Massage with a happy end, irregularities at a bachelor party, mountain weekend only for boys, a whole culture of fun has been set up to give opportunities for decompression and renewal to the male sex suffering from marital fidelity. Because ” this is how men are “, our mothers would say. Is ” so are women? Science is asking today. Sexuality is a source of life for both sexes. Why put one in the box of monogamy?

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