BUZZBONGO
Do you have among your friends a person who always decides where to go, who does not usually listen to others, who always talks about herself with pride, and who, despite everything, is charming?
Below, we distinguish the different types of narcissism and offer tips for discovering the narcissist in your group of friends.
Although narcissism is a very common personality trait that we can all manifest, in some cases that facet dominates all the others, transforming the person into an extreme narcissist, a ‘full-time’ narcissist.
Detail from Echo and Narcissus by James William Waterhouse.
Nemesis, the goddess of retributive justice, revenge, and balance, punishes Narcissus for his egotism causing him to fall in love with his own image reflected in the water of a pond. Absorbed by his own beauty, Narcissus ends up at the bottom of the pond pursuing an impossible: to find someone as perfect as himself.
Although there are various developments in the history of the classical myth of Narcissus, the result is always the same: Narcissus is punished for his deification. And only gods can behave as such.
The figure of this character, like other classical myths, was used by Sigmund Freud in his 1914 essay Introduction to Narcissism to illustrate a personality disorder that later continued to be developed by psychology.
Discover the narcissist in your group of friends.
The Mayo Clinic defines the narcissist as a person who exaggerates his own importance, has a pressing need for excessive attention and admiration, difficult relationships, and a lack of empathy for others, hiding under all this a fragile personality that can crack with any criticism.
Although narcissism can become a disorder if it dominates the rest of personality traits, Harvard psychiatry professor Andrew P. Morrison clarifies that narcissism is a “necessary step in the development of personality” and that ” A reasonable amount of ‘healthy’ narcissism allows balancing the individual’s perception of their own needs in relation to others ”.
Within these two extremes, there would be various types of narcissism characterized by a qualitative difference in the way it manifests itself. The narcissist can have many faces :
If you have read the different dominant traits that a narcissist can have, you will be closer to unmasking the narcissist from your group of friends. Here are some extra tips to further refine your aim:
Extreme competitiveness has become a characteristic of our society, being even encouraged by its benefits without considering its risks. The narcissist takes advantage of this tendency to bring out his competitive character, feeling fully proud of his competitiveness. His eagerness to demonstrate his supposed superiority can lead him to turn any situation into a competition.
One of the most subtle but dangerous traits of the narcissist is his tendency to manipulate, which he often exercises with the most refined techniques. Gaslighting stands out among them, a pattern of behavior that is based on manipulating people so that they doubt themselves. The term comes from the remarkable classic Gaslight in which a man manipulates his wife emotionally to make her believe that she is crazy and keep her money.
In a more routine environment, the person who executes this technique uses different resources to underestimate the emotions and talent of the people around them, questioning their ideas, actions, and decisions, making these people believe that the problem is in themselves, although be false.
In line with the above, the lack of empathy, the inability to put oneself in the shoes of others and understand their emotions and their actions, is the most defining trait of the narcissist. If one of your friends always belittles or even ridicules your emotions and is unable to take your problems seriously, you are dealing with a narcissist, to say the least.
“They don’t know who they are talking to.” The narcissist thinks he is special and therefore needs special treatment, whether at work or the corner bar. He aspires to be revered by everyone and, as that is seldom possible, he lives in frustration criticizing everything that moves.
The biggest problem comes when that person, usually powerful, lives in an environment full of flatterers and eulogists: we all know a specimen. So the narcissist is with a foot and a half at the bottom of the pond.
If you have to summarize an argument in two simple sentences, preferably avoiding subordinate ones so that you do not lose the thread, it is that perhaps your interlocutor is a narcissist. If by the third sentence his gaze is already blank or he’s staring at his biceps or his shiny new sneakers, there’s no question, your friend is a narcissist. If he never lets you finish an argument and constantly changes the subject so that the protagonist of it is always him, you know who you are (trying) to talk to.
Discover the narcissist in your group of friends.
If when reading this text you have felt that you are represented by any of the facets of narcissism you should not panic. We all think we are a little special, even if we are not. It is a way of managing life and strengthening our self-esteem to face any challenge that we have set ourselves.
But if narcissistic traits tend to dominate your behavior, beware: the extreme narcissist has acquaintances, colleagues, partners, cronies, sycophants … but no friends. Real friends can’t stand a narcissist for long, however charming he may be.