Category: PSYCHOLOGY

Individuals with a high dose of self-determination can have some problems adapting to changes and unforeseen events, since they need to have everything under control and that the plans come out perfect. That obsession with perfection, instead of being a virtue, becomes a defect when you do not learn to manage it properly. To know if you have to, we are going to ask you five questions to know if you are a self-demanding person, in addition to giving you some tips so that, if you are, you can turn this trait of your personality into virtue through constructive self-demand. #1. Are your expectations always exaggerated? One of the problems that self-demanding people often have is that they set the bar too high. The expectations are so exaggerated that it is very difficult if not impossible to fulfill. Above all, taking into account that most of the time we are conditioned by the circumstances that surround us. In such a way, if expectations are not met, instead of analyzing the situation objectively, one falls into frustration and anger, because it is oneself who blames himself for not achieving the proposed objective. For example, you can't complete the academic year with A's if you have a serious illness or for you to become a successful businessman before the age of 25 if, in addition to your worth, you do not have financial support from your family behind you. So put realistic goals based on your circumstances and, if things do not go as planned had not been hard on yourself for it. The ability to adapt is one of the virtues that are worth working on since it is a sign of evolution, maturity, and intelligence. #2. Do you criticize yourself in a self-destructive way? Self-criticism is essential to grow and evolve, but not all criticism is beneficial. When someone is obsessed with perfection and does not get what he wants, he often speaks negatively, using derogatory language and cursing: I'm an idiot, anything right, shame on me ... The first thing you have to remember is that to learn it is necessary to make mistakes, as long as we draw a lesson from them. So stumbling and falling and then getting up and moving on is essential to improve and grow. Talk to yourself with respect. Get used to looking at each failure as an opportunity and do not dedicate yourself to blame yourself because things fail if you have nothing to do or could do little about it, since sometimes they will not even have turned out as you wanted due to external factors. #3. Do you put pressure on yourself? Self-demanding people push themselves to levels that end up being stressed even though the situation doesn't require it. His language is full of expressions such as I have to do this, I have to take care of that, only if I do things go well, I have to take care of everything ... This attitude leads to them not knowing how to delegate or motivate themselves. Self-motivation is not giving orders but encouraging oneself to achieve the realistic goals that we set for ourselves, either through rewards or through words of encouragement. Start by changing your language and adopt expressions such as I would like to do this, if I have time today I will take care of this other, to see if by Friday I can have this topic ready ... You will be surprised to see how this change in attitude will help you prioritize the issues you need to take care of. Organize yourself according to urgency and time and not by the constant demand of having to do everything now, perfect, and as soon as possible. Some things can wait, why do you pressure yourself if nobody is doing it for you to do them and they are not urgent at all? #4. Do you belittle your own achievements? The people very overachieving tend to feel unsatisfied. Nothing is good if it is not perfect, merits have no value if they are not achieved 100 percent ... and with that attitude, they underestimate the achievements they achieve. They are not worth a grade in studies or to be third in a career or to be chosen second in a work team ..., which ends up affecting their personal relationships and their children, on whom they exert the same pressure. All this leads to them having a tendency to see the glass as half empty, missing out on enjoying the things they achieve, and appreciating themselves properly. If they do not manage to relativize and be more objective about the things that they do achieve, they can end up with very low self-esteem that generates other problems. Congratulate yourself for a job well done and if you have overcome a fear or reached a goal that was a serious problem, reward yourself. It can be buying something, but also spending time with your favorite hobby, going to that museum where you say you never have time to go, or spending the afternoon walking through the park. What it is about is that you value a job well done and enjoy it. #5. Do you take hours of sleep to seek perfection? People with destructive self-demands end up exhausted. They can take off hours of sleep to continue over and over again in the search for perfection as if their life were running out of it, and when they don't, they end up with insomnia problems due to not knowing how to disconnect. In a world in which we are surrounded by responsibilities and constantly connected to the mobile phone, we are the ones who have to learn to prioritize tasks, leave time for ours and stop when possible, especially to rest and recharge our batteries or Otherwise, we will end up getting sick. Learn to communicate assertively with yourself; set and plan your goals realistically according to your possibilities, your ability, and the circumstances that surround you; enjoy the process without obsessing over your goals living in the present; Learn from mistakes and love yourself enough to take care of yourself. With this, you will achieve a constructive self-demand that will become one of your best virtues. Read: Is There Really Emotional Intelligence? Discover the Narcissist Who Hides in Your Group of Friends