What To Know About Each Other Before Getting Married

What To Know About Each Other Before Getting Married

Nowadays, marriage is no longer “final” as it was for centuries: divorce is no longer a shame or an exception, and it is, therefore, possible to end a union if things do not work as expected. But we should not overlook a very important aspect either: when a couple decides to get married, especially in the 21st century in our Western societies, it is because both individuals believe in the power of eternal love. Nothing obliges them to seal this union officially, since the parents (or the priests) no longer really have a say, and their “reputation” is not at stake!

It is essential to discuss certain aspects about the future spouse (or his female counterpart), and this, for the sole purpose of avoiding unpleasant surprises. Indeed, regardless of how you prepare for marriage, there will always be hardships and unforeseen events, so you might as well put the odds on your side! Here are some important questions to address to know each other perfectly (or at least, as much as possible).

How does the other envisage life together?

Some couples have a close relationship, and even go so far as to arrange to work together; others need much more latitude and like to be alone. Still, others mix these two extremes. Will meetings with your respective friends be encouraged and frequent? Should your free time be spent together? You have to make sure that your characters agree on this aspect of married life.

Children or not? How much?

This is not always the case, but many couples choose to marry to reproduce a “traditional” family model together. We must therefore discuss this before taking the plunge: if the lady dreams of a large family and the gentleman agrees, just to please her, to have a child after 7-8 years of living together, someone will be definitely disappointed with the turn things are taking.

How important is money to each other?

Some people are totally anti-materialistic, refuse to buy a house for not having credit, dress voluntarily in thrift stores, and are satisfied with a “bazou”, as long as it works and allows them to move. Others need to show off their success to feel good about themselves. Do you share the same values? And how will you share the accounts?

And the career?

This point is sometimes linked to the previous one, but not necessarily. One can practice a profession which is at the same time a vocation and a passion, even if the salary is not extraordinary. If necessary, would the other be willing to leave their passion, for example, to find a better paying job, if it becomes essential to pay the bills? On the other hand, the other may place extreme importance on his career: will you accept the overtime and the sacrifices?

How important should in-laws be?

Some people can’t imagine a week without a visit from their mum, while others are perfectly satisfied with 2-3 phone calls a year and a Christmas brunch. It is also possible that your spouse has already promised his parents to take them under his wing (home) when they are too old to be independent. Are you on the same wavelength? Because, if this is not the case, the in-laws of the other could be very (too) invasive for your taste, and create irreversible tensions.

Do you share the same values ​​daily?

This can concern politics, religion, ecology, raising children, how to eat, etc. This may seem a bit extreme, but if Mr. only eats pizza and fast food and Mrs. is a follower of organic vegetarianism, there may be a problem in the medium term. We must talk about these subjects before committing ourselves.

What do you expect from your sexual intimacy?

We don’t all have the same expectations when it comes to sexuality. We can be very in love with someone, and not agree on the sexual level (in terms of frequency, preferences). Sometimes, what seems “livable” to us at the beginning of a relationship can easily become an insurmountable obstacle after a few years of living together, when routine sets in.

Would you be ready to go to the end of the world together?

And if an interesting career opportunity arose for you in another country, would the other one follow you? And if you’ve always dreamed of saving a certain amount and then going off to explore the world for 2 years, would your spouse agree to follow you?

How do share household chores?

Yes, whether we like it or not, it is very important to know the vision of the other on this point. If your significant other never do anything at home, appreciates a messy interior, doesn’t care about piles of dirty laundry while you are a neat freak, the relationship may be doomed. Really! You have to talk about the housework and the sharing of tasks before committing yourself.

What is the past of your future spouse?

It is not a question here of knowing everything about the other down to the smallest details; we are all entitled to a secret garden. But some things are still important: has the other person ever been a drug addict or lived with alcohol problems, does he have debts, a criminal record, an ex who visits him a little too often, a child he never cared about?

If we think we know our future spouse thoroughly, we often realize that this is not the case once we get married. One thing is certain though, and that is that you should be able to name several flaws in your partner before you walk down the aisle. If you only see qualities, you are still in the (wonderful) stage of blind love. Wait a bit to know the worst before committing yourself “for better or for worse”!

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