Google seems to think I’m a much richer, sexier man than I really am. Thanks, I guess? That’s the idea I got from the company during the 2026 Android Show. Google showed off a variety of new features for Android 17 that all seem to be aimed squarely at people with the same bank balance as its CEO.
It really left me thinking, what about the rest of us?
The Android Show is Google’s 30-minute taped presentation before its I/O keynote, where it previews upcoming Android features. This time around, the big news was deeper integration with Gemini AI tools, a better Android Auto interface and a custom widget creator, which does things like track your upcoming flights.
The essence of all these things is money. A lot of money. The money you already have and the money you are willing to spend.
Paris Hilton was the master of the program and appeared to be a “normal everyday” Android user?
The Android Auto demo showed how well it fits on BMW’s big screens and how YouTube will play at 60 frames per second on the compatible display of your infotainment system. We even got the sad story of Paris Hilton in her luxurious Genesis, saying how the car can turn into her secret movie theater.
I currently drive a 2007 Toyota Auris with 110,000 miles on the clock, a broken CD player, no USB input and I’m covered in so much fluff that I sometimes forget the original color. I make it “smart” by sticking my iPhone in a holder that attaches to the heat vents. My version of in-car Dolby Atmos sound is a portable Bluetooth speaker that I recharge and keep in the passenger seat because there’s no way to connect my phone to the car.
My car is covered in a lot of dirt, I think the seagull that flew over it had eaten some bad shellfish some time ago. My car does not have Android Auto.
Later in the Auto demo, we were shown a Gemini being used to demonstrate whether a new 65-inch TV could fit in the back of a Volvo EX60. I have to be fair to Google here: I also recently bought a 65 inch telly. But not having a $65,000 (or more) Volvo to pick up, I had to call a friend who had a van.
And then there are the many examples of using Gemini’s new AI tools to book “low-seat” concert tickets, which can cost hundreds of dollars, depending on the artist — or four figures if you went to Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour.
Don’t go to concerts? Google has put together some “related” travel options for you: a coffee and chocolate tour in Costa Rica. And no, not just you, but a group of six, so you can go with five of your very rich friends. And if that doesn’t appeal, another idea for Google is a creative shopping trip to Tokyo.
Go ahead, buy, you can afford it.
In fact, all of Google’s examples involve parting with a lot of money in one way or another, whether it’s booking flights and restaurants, or buying clothes and concert tickets. No wonder, I guess. Google is a search engine that points you to things you can spend money on. This is what Circle to Search has become over the past few years.
But today’s Android system has proven to be a bigger trophy than mainstream capitalism. I couldn’t help but feel that it had lost its audience.
Purse strings are tightening around the world, and many of us are struggling to afford life’s essentials, let alone shopping in Tokyo or coffee tours in Costa Rica. We don’t all drive fancy Genesis cars because of our Hilton fortune, and we don’t all have more than $100,000 worth of bitcoin in our crypto wallets, as Google’s Alexander Kuscher seemed to have during his Googlebook demo. Good for him. But when many of us are up at night worrying about paying off huge bills this kind of tone-deaf display of arrogance has left an extremely sour taste in my mouth.
If you look closely, you’ll see that the bitcoin wallet is sitting pretty at around 100 grand. But we all have that, right?
It wasn’t just the money angle that pissed me off. In one demo, Gemini was told to reserve “front row seats” in a rotating class. The front row?! How about “get me a seat in the dark, in the back corner so no one can see my deep purple, sweaty face as I pathetically try to get out of an early grave”?
To my dismay, Google seems to think I’m qualified. That maybe I’m sexy. Or at least fit and attractive enough that I want to be at the front of the class, shaking my toned, Lycra-clad butt for everyone to admire. It’s the kind of fitness that requires more free time in a day — and/or money — than the average working person has.
It’s a lifestyle that fits Google’s vision of the average Android user: that we all meet our friends for a fancy brunch and, while on the road, plan to meet another friend for a fancy dinner using Android Auto in our fancy car. It’s not clear, in Google’s ideal world, when you have to find time to go to work or pick up the kids.
Seriously, hands up if you’ve ever really wanted a front row bike in a spin class?
What is clear is that Google takes a lot of wealth from its audience. I hear you: Google is trying to be ambitious. Except it’s not, it’s not.
The point of these demos is how easy it makes things it thinks you’re already doing. It’s not saying, “Hey, if you use Android, maybe you can go shopping in Tokyo.” It says, “You definitely you’re already doing all of this, and these tools will help you do it quickly.” Google suggests that this rich, engaging, and fun lifestyle is already yours and is targeting its new features directly to you. Its attitude is wrong, and it risks alienating the 99% of people who can’t afford the lifestyle it advertises.
Google’s new features speak unequivocally to the 1% who find Paris Hilton’s car request with a spark worthy of despondency for choosing the parallel life for what it is: a complete misunderstanding of how real people live their lives.
