Many parents focus on raising smart children. But emotional intelligence, or the ability to understand, navigate and express emotions in healthy ways, will strengthen your child’s resilience and brainpower more than any report card.
The good news is that you can see it progress in real time. As an active parent coach who has worked with over 200 children, I try to look for signs of a child who feels emotionally safe enough to stay connected.
Here are seven signs your child is developing emotional intelligence.
1. They can say what they feel
It’s a healthy sign if your child can say things like “I’m frustrated” instead of throwing a toy, or “I feel left out” instead of shutting down. It means they have developed an emotional vocabulary.
This is one of the first indicators of emotional intelligence because emotions that have words become emotions that can be processed instead of acted upon.
I always make it a point to acknowledge my child’s feelings instead of dismissing them with phrases like “you’re fine” or “stop crying.”
2. They come to you when something goes wrong
If your child comes to you with big feelings – dirty, bad – it means he trusts you and feels safe with you.
Children feel comfortable when their experiences teach them that they will not be shamed, punished or emotionally rejected for what they feel.
3. They can deal with disappointment without breaking up
Emotionally intelligent children are prone to depression. They may cry after losing a game or feel upset when the answer is “no.” But eventually they recover.
Be patient and allow your child to feel those uncomfortable feelings, instead of rushing through them.
4. They are aware of how other people feel
“Mom, are you sad?”
“That kid looks lonely.”
The ability to recognize emotional changes in others is a key part of developing empathy, one of the highest forms of emotional intelligence.
Children gain emotional awareness by being around adults who model them consistently.
5. They can apologize
I’m not talking about a forced apology where they say “I’m sorry” just to avoid consequences.
A really emotionally intelligent child can see, for example, when he has hurt someone. They will want to fix things.
This requires self-awareness and empathy. It also shows what they have experienced themselves. Children who receive correction become children who can give it.
6. They can ask for what they need
“I need a hug.”
“Can I have a minute alone?”
“Can you stay with me?”
Many adults find it difficult to express their emotional needs directly. So when a child can do this, it is a powerful sign of emotional intelligence. It usually means they’ve been in a place where needs are answered often enough that asking feels safe.
7. They don’t feel like they have to play around you
This may be the most overlooked sign of all.
Emotionally intelligent children don’t spend childhood constantly controlling the emotional state around them, and they don’t strain themselves to maintain a connection with you.
Reem Raouda is an experienced parenting coach, speaker, and author dedicated to one core idea: that loving your child and making them feel safe are not the same thing. She is the founder of The Safe Mom and founder of Safe Mom Masterclasshelping parents raise emotionally healthy children with emotional safety, communication, and self-awareness. Find him open Instagram.
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